


an ocean awaits for a storm

by juliansweigl



Series: every storm that comes [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M, i wrote this in like twenty minutes whilst trying to avoid an emotional breakdown, so... this is what happens when jogi is back on his bullshit huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliansweigl/pseuds/juliansweigl
Summary: “Well,” Mats chuckles dryly, “there goes my retirement party.”Bene frowns once more, the joke, or the attempt of looked like it took everything that Mats had.





	an ocean awaits for a storm

**Author's Note:**

> so... i'm pretty fucking pissed off, how about you? I could rant for the next twenty minutes but I won't. I do want to say that the three of them deserve so much fucking better and Jogi should take up a new hobby, and by hobby, I mean resign and retire completely. 
> 
> that being said, enjoy this sad lil thing :) (also let's just take a minute to acknowledge that this is the first 'actual' Hömmels fic I've written since NYE - and it's come about because of something so... sad... there's a cruel irony in there somewhere)

Bene’s day was going well until it all came crashing down, the second that he pulled up and read the news - he felt crushed.

 

He didn’t have to read the entire thing, just captured a few sentences at the top, grinding his teeth and setting his jaw when he read through Jogi’s words, stifling a scoff and swallowing down the extremely vivid string of insults that were clogging his throat.

 

His fingers trembled and his mind shot to his husband, _how_ devastated, how _destroyed_ Mats must feel after hearing the damning news. Bene tosses his phone aside onto the passenger seat and drives back home as fast he as he can, his body aches from training, his mind is elsewhere and he’s practically in autopilot on the way home, doesn’t realise he’s arrived back until he stops the car and sees the house out of his peripheral vision.

 

His body sags and he feels incredibly wobbly as he clambers out of the car, dragging his bag barely above the ground as he walks up the driveway and fishes in his pockets for his keys. His hands trembling and his eyes wandering - just wanting everything to hurry up so he can try and get a hold of Mats.

 

He knows Mats. He knows how capable Mats is of doing something stupid and this is a soul-destroying thing to happen to him. Shoving the door open with a harsher than necessary push, Bene leaves his bag in the hallway, kicking the door shut with his heel and immediately reaches for his phone that he put back in his pocket.

 

He half-expected an angry string of messages from Mats by now, knowing that the news has been released and that Bene _would_ know about this. It only adds deeper to the unnerving feeling that’s beginning to settle in Bene’s stomach - Mats gets angry, Mats becomes stubborn and pissed off - Mats doesn’t get so upset that he hides away.

 

Bene calls him once and it goes straight to voicemail. Bene frowns and hangs up without leaving a message, somehow, it doesn’t actively surprise him that Mats has turned his phone off. Sighing, Bene makes his way through the house and into the kitchen deep in thought, still working on autopilot.

 

He’s just dropped a mug to the counter when he hears footsteps and immediately he straightens up, spinning around and silently hoping that he’s just so out of focus that he’s imagining it. It’s only when his eyes meet a familiar brown pair, eyes that he’s looked into so many fucking times does he relax.

 

Until he remembers (not that he could forget),

 

Bene frowns once more. “Honey..?” He tries cautiously, not wanting to spook Mats who looks, in all honesty, he looks three seconds from breaking down and crumbling to a heap on Bene’s kitchen floor. “When did you get here?”

 

“A little while ago.” Mats coughs, his voice hoarse, his eyes wandering and _empty._ “I’m guessing you know now, huh?” Mats laughs bitterly, stifling a scoff as he lifts a hand to pull at his hair, his frame swallowed by the dark navy hoodie he’s wearing. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming but I-”

 

Bene stops him with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You know I don’t care about you calling.” Bene reassures him before he takes that next step and walks around until he’s standing in front of his husband. Bene lifts a hand to rest against Mats’ cheek, brushing the pad of his thumb across Mats’ cheekbone.

 

“Well,” Mats chuckles dryly, “there goes my retirement party.”

 

Bene frowns once more, the joke, or the attempt of looked like it took everything that Mats had. “Don’t. He’s got a fucking cheek, you know that? He’s essentially pinned the three of you as the reasons everything went dreadfully last year?! Does he know he’s fucking insane? He’s more to blame than _any_ of the fucking team.”

 

Mats’ eyes grow wide as do Bene’s - he hadn’t realised he still had so much internalised anger from his own time and exit (as unofficial as it may be) from the national team. Bene sighs, dropping his hand from Mats’ cheek to hold his shoulder, kneading it softly and feeling just how tense Mats is.

 

“I’m okay.” Mats tries but his voice wavers and gives the game away immediately. “I mean, you know, the kids deserve a shot, right? I got my chance when I was a kid-”

 

“Shut up, Mats.” Bene interrupts, wincing at how harsh his words still sound from his outburst. “Sorry, I love you, but that doesn’t make this any better. You can’t just win everything with kids-” Bene tries but he stops when he remembers otherwise. “- What I mean is, you need experience too.”

 

Mats shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets, bouncing from foot to foot.

 

Bene resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and book the first flight back home to give his former boss a piece of his mind. Instead, he just wraps his arms around Mats and brings him into a hug that he can only hope serves the intended purpose.

 

Mats loosely wraps his arms around Bene, dropping his head onto his husband's shoulder and Bene fights back the urge to to cry himself when he hears Mats’ shuddery breaths and how hard he’s resisting the urge to just break down completely.

 

“I’m sorry.” Bene murmurs before laughing at the absurdity of it, he’s got no reason to apologise but suddenly it’s two years ago and Mats is in his position, he’s the one with a comforting arm around Bene’s shoulders and apologises with him when the realisation dawns that he’s no longer got a place on the national team.

 

Two years isn’t long enough, huh?

 

Leading them over to the couch wordlessly, Mats flops and rests his head on Bene’s lap. The latter carding his hand through Mats’ hair and trying to think of something to say, _anything_ to make this better for him but the truth of the matter is that _nothing_ can erase the hurt of being told that you’re no longer wanted to represent your country.

 

“I love you.” Mats whispers, his voice muffled by the hoodie he’s wearing riding up to just underneath his bottom lip.

 

Bene manages a small smile. “Love you too. How’s Thomas handling it?”

 

“Oh, you know, he’s cracking jokes and making thinly-veiled threats towards Jogi when he thinks nobody is listening but - _fuck_ ,” Mats exhales. “You can see it in his eyes, he’s just as hurt as I am - Manu’s at a loss, it’s tough when you’re the national team captain and your coach has just dumped your boyfriend.”

 

Bene groans. “He’s in such a tough position, god, I don’t envy him, he must be taking this so hard. I just - I hope he doesn’t blame himself.”

 

Mats twists so that he’s able to meet Bene’s eyes. “Meaning?”

 

Bene sends Mats a look as if to say _you know what I mean_. “I’m saying, Manu must be torn, he’s your teammate too, at Bayern, you’re friends, all of us, I just hope he’s not feeling like he should have done more - to change Jogi’s mind - not that he could of course but he must be feeling guilty.”

 

“Shit.” Mats breathes out and Bene offers a small shrug. “He did look pretty forlorn when he found out.”

 

Bene brushes his hand across Mats’ stomach and sends him a sad smile. “I’m sorry, I know you’re pissed off but don’t make this harder for him.”

 

Mats has the audacity to look offended, Bene glares at him, Mats relents - sometimes he hates just how well Bene knows him.  

 

"How are your parents? Have you spoken to Jonas yet?" Bene asks causing Mats to grumble and puff out a breath. 

 

"I don't even want to, mum and dad are going to be emotional and I don't know if I can handle their sympathy yet? And Jonas? I guess he's the easiest to speak to, he knows about career hardships but  _I don't know_." Mats is aware that is tone of voice is becoming whiny, high-pitched and squeaky as he tries to swallow down his emotions once more, but he's exhausted - he knows that much.

 

"You should at least text them later, they'll understand if you're not in the mood to talk, you can do when you get back." Bene tries to be gentle, lifting his fingers to trace along Mats' jaw. 

 

"I don't want to leave, can I just stay here?" 

 

Bene chuckles softly, not entirely against the idea of keeping his husband here instead of letting him go all the way back to Germany. "If you want." 

 

They're both quiet for a period until Mats breaks it once more. “Hey, at least with no national team duties - I can come and see you again in a couple of weeks.” Mats tries with a smile, his words still dark and laced with hurt, but for the first time since Bene got home - he sees something warm in Mats’ eyes and can’t help but feel a little piece of his own anger and dismay chip away. “Or, international break, you could come home? Maybe we could go to the game and you could finally give Jogi that kick up the ass you’ve wanted to give him for the last two years.”

 

Bene snorts out a laugh, even in the depths of the unrelenting anguish Mats must be feeling, he’s still himself and somehow, deep down, Bene knows he’s going to be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://hoewedeshummels.tumblr.com) (please feel free to come and scream and rant about satan (jogi) to me) :’)


End file.
